I was scrolling through Tik Tok when I was introduced to a new word--sonder. It was described as a “realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.” Although sonder isn’t technically a real word, I felt like I had reunited with something. I had always randomly thought of the complexities of other people’s lives but could never explain the feeling with a single word.
After that, our club’s weekly #factfriday post came up on my Instagram feed, saying that in 2018, 60,651 children and youth in Canada came forward to file violence-related police reports. For a moment I had stared blankly at the words on the screen, trying to register what that meant. Of course, I knew that child abuse was prevalent, but it never hit me as to just how many people’s lives had abuse as their reality. And that their reality was harsh, painful, and traumatizing. It made me wary of the number of strangers that I saw who were potentially experiencing a vivid and complex life filled not with happiness, but violence and cruelty constantly inflicted upon them. From now on, I take the time to be more aware of each stranger that passes through my life. Not to closely inspect them for signs of abuse or prod my way into knowing their past, but to simply treat each person with respect and kindness, because everyone’s lives are more complex than what meets the eye. I hope you will get the chance to be struck with sonder one day too.
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“In 2018, there were 60,651 child and youth victims (aged 17 and younger) of police-reported [family] violence in Canada. Of these victims, 57% were female and 43% were male.”
When I read this fact, it makes me reconsider how I treat children of different genders. A large portion of the male population is still affected by family violence. Do I let gender impact how protective I am over a child? I do and it has to change. I am often softer with girls as I assume that they must be handled with more care than boys. Safe spaces are often fostered for women to talk about their emotions. I have been able to process any life-impacting circumstances openly because our culture is accepting of women expressing their emotions and revealing their deepest fears. I personally have a great fear of losing those closest to my heart. Today, please ask yourself, are you creating that safe space for men as well? When a little boy cries, do you scold him for being too sensitive? These are things that I’ve grown up seeing and it’s been normalized in our society. In Canada, statistics show that a “larger proportion of sexual offence incidents remained not cleared for male victims of family violence than for their female counterparts (49% versus 43%)”. This is troubling as it creates more stress for male victims of sexual offences who want to speak up and find justice. When we create programs to help children and/or watch out for the safety of children, let’s be mindful that both genders are vulnerable. We’re responsible for raising both boys and girls. It takes a village to raise children of all genders. Let’s be better and advocate for BOTH our girls and boys. References: https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/85-002-x/2019001/article/00018/01-eng.htm If you have read our previous blogs and you are starting to feel the same sense of helplessness and rage towards the injustices of this world that often goes unnoticed, you are on the right track.
We need these negative emotions that are stirring inside us to fuel our drive to fight for change. We need to want desperately for these children's lives to be better than the circumstances they have no control over being in. So what do we do now? How can we fight? There are many ways to help. If you feel that you can only summon the courage to notify your supervisor when you notice that something is amiss regarding a child's behaviour or appearance, then do it. If you feel that you want to educate and inform more people about what child abuse is and what signs to look for, then do it. All of our efforts, regardless of its apparent impact, will make a difference. The Butterfly Effect, in simple terms, is the theory that one's small act can generate a larger change in the world. The idea that the flutter of a butterfly's wing can inspire a tornado on the other side of the world. As crazy as that sounds, I have the firm belief that we as humans have the same, if not greater, power to create a large impact. With that in mind, what will you choose? Will you choose to allow your eyes to drift across these words like another advertisement on the street? Or will you choose to dedicate even a small portion of your entire life's time doing SOMETHING to fight against children being abused? Their abusers will not wait for you. Their abusers will continue on each day abusing them. In fact, 5 children will have died because of child abuse on the day you stumble across this blog. 5 more will die because of child abuse the day after you read this and another 5 will die on the day after. So act now. Your actions CAN make a difference. Why do we need to raise awareness?
If you spend any time at all on the internet, you have definitely come across some kind of online campaigns and/or awareness movements. Often I see a mixed reaction towards these; “Oh god this is terrible” acclaims someone as they scroll past the social media post or “what is the point of this? It’s not helping anyone” declares another. Anger, curiosity, annoyance, and sometimes genuine concern, a mixed bag of responses. The question that looms over activists, social workers and people trying to make their voice heard is “Am I really helping anyone?” If it is often tiring and unsatisfying to keep talking about an issue and not receiving a response, then why do we do it? Because we care. We want to reach out to those who care. We want to make more people care. Truth is, no struggle is won alone; history speaks for itself when we see that every time the human race has stood up for something together, we have won. Awareness is our medium to reach out to people to form these teams, allies. We are very fortunate that we are able to do this while sitting on our couch, we are making our voices heard but at the same time, we must not become complacent. Social media activism is often criticized for being the laziest way to speak up, but it is only one pillar of a very dynamic building. Awareness helps us reach people of all ages and generations, something that would not be possible if we did not have these campaigns. Raising public awareness has known to significantly change a community’s knowledge and attitudes about social justice issues. It is particularly crucial to raise awareness about child abuse as it has severe consequences. Children are our future youth, our future leaders, they are what our world will be, and we cannot afford to raise a generation of abused, tortured, and unstable children. Children deserve care, love, affection, and a chance to learn, every child does. We need to stand up for them because they can not stand up for themselves. Statistics prove that survivors of child abuse have a higher likelihood of having mental health difficulties, are more likely to drop out of high school, and continue to struggle with shame and guilt. They are forever burdened with a pain that was not theirs to begin with. We can stop this; we can play our part in trying to stop this. How? Awareness. Spread the word. Spread the message. If every citizen in this city, province, country, the world is vigilant and against child abuse then no child shall ever go through this. It all comes down to us, it’s not enough to simply believe in something; as Gandhi said, “you must be the change you want to see in the world.” When you think about child abuse what do you think of? I am a little embarrassed to admit that I think about movies where it’s easy to spot, or a broken foster care system or a million other things that don’t include my friends and I. Why? I don’t know, I guess I’m lucky enough to say that I don’t face that problem so I used to think neither did the people close to me. But when I started looking into the topic I realized how close minded I was being, I didn’t think of different types of abuse, that it’s not just physical, but also verbal, sexual and emotional. I learned that 32% of Canadian adults reported that they had faced child abuse growing up, and that’s only including the one’s that come forward! I broke that down a little deeper in terms of what that means to me... I wrote down the first 10 names that popped up into my head: family, friends, even a classmate. Statistically at least 3 people on that list would have faced some form of abuse. I started to question how safe of an environment I was creating for those people to come forward, or even broach the topic to me. Was I open? Was I creating that safe space they may need? What was I doing to show support to anyone and everyone in my life whether they need it or not? By opening my mind I started to change my mindset. I encourage you after reading this to do the same, it might not come fast or easily but every single one of us need to start opening our mind.
What sort of world do I want to pass onto our children?
Recently, there have been three new additions to my family and so I am getting many little babies to spoil as an Aunty. It has filled me with great joy, but also an immense love in my heart. I would do anything for these kids. They are just babies, but I can already see their personalities shine through. One niece is a lot sweeter and affectionate, so she loves to be held all day. The other one already wants to jump and run, so he spends his day kicking his legs in an attempt to be active. The last one loves to sleep and will pout to no end if she’s awoken. It worries me that they may enter a dangerous world where they could be hurt. When I think about the statistic that “one in three adults admit to having been abused as a child,” I now stare at the 3 new additions to my family differently. Let’s keep fighting. Sometimes I become so desensitized to numbers because I read and hear about them all the time. However, when it may affect a loved one, it only takes one person in your life for you to be propelled into action. When I was asked to write a blog post for CASUA, I pondered over what exactly I should write about.
I could talk about the shocking statistics regarding child abuse or simply feed you facts. You would hear my words but you might not listen. Instead, I will tell you some of the mistakes I’ve regretted most. Before we talk about my mistakes, however, let’s first consider global warming as a concept talked about starting from elementary. After learning about global warming, we go home energized to make our parents start recycling. We run to bottle depots and feel accomplished thinking that our efforts helped the environment become greener. We grow up filled with the determination to race to protests against government policies that do not take environmental preservation into consideration. All our lives, we run towards fighting against global problems like global warming because that is what we have been taught. For most, however, our circumstances prevent us from focusing on anything else aside from running away from what we fear. I was volunteering for a summer camp. There was a young boy who no one could figure out. He always seemed to be running away whenever we asked him to follow us. For some reason, he wore long sleeves even when it was scorching hot outside. One day, I grabbed his arm to get his attention and noticed his wince. I pulled his sleeve back much to his reluctance and saw the scattered bruises colouring his arm. Perhaps it was due to him being a kid and getting bruised easily just like we all did in childhood, but everything about his bruises just looked wrong. I went home that night and cried myself to sleep. I did not know what to do. As a 13-year-old, I was a coward. I was terrified of what I saw and helpless as to what I could do. I ran away from my fear just like he ran away from us. To him, we were authority figures--people that he had learned to fear. To this day, I look back and still regret my lack of action. Several days into high school, I made some new friends. While having a deep conversation with one of them, they suddenly tell me that their personality is distorted as they have been sexually and physically abused by their own family members. I tell them that I'm sorry to hear what they go through. After that conversation, we end up never speaking again. Again, I ran away. I was scared of the truth presented to me. When someone tells you that, what could you even say? In the middle of grade 12, I sit in a car with a close friend while they tell me that their father assaults their mother in front of them to the point where emergency assistance is required. I can only sit there numbly and nod. As I leave the car, the door slamming shut is the echo I find myself falling asleep to long after. These moments in my life where someone subconsciously needed help or directly asked for support and I did not provide either will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. As humans, we seek happiness. We crave light and avoid moments where we face the darkness. In fact, the theme for this pandemic appears to be society’s efforts in revealing the shadows of humanity into the face of light. At the crux of the dark and finally uncovered truth, we learn that humans have compassion and kindness in their souls and want change for the better. When I wrote this blog, I figured it's time I brought my own regrets to light, so that my efforts to be better and do more will hopefully invoke others to face their own dark truths and seek transformation. I am now sprinting with my efforts to fight for the children who live in fear and those who were children and had to live in fear. I owe it to the friends I left and I owe it to the little boy whom I could not save. Safety is priceless. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, before we can attend to other things such as our goals, we first need to meet our physiological needs and our need for safety. Growing up, if I was too hungry, I couldn’t think about anything but my growling stomach. If I felt terrified, my body’s energy was spent shaking out the fear that pent up inside of me.
Everyone has a limited amount of energy to expend. Children may not understand why matters like neglect are abusive, but we can see it in the effects it has on them. One tends to do more poorly in school if they are hungry, without a bed at night, or feeling unsettled by their homes. This may seem like common sense, but this should not be a common truth shared by many children at home. According to Statistics Canada, just under one-third of Canadians report experiencing childhood physical and/or sexual abuse. To me, this implies that in my old elementary classes, 10 out of 30 of us had gone through something no child should have to. We can do more for our future. It starts with answering the questions you may have such as “How?” or “Why?” Please read through how to identify signs of child abuse here: https://www.zebracentre.ca/blog/2019/8/7/recognizing-red-flags-of-child-abuse Read this to understand how COVID-19 impacts child abuse: https://www.google.ca/amp/s/globalnews.ca/news/6877706/child-abuse-reporting-covid-19-alberta/amp/ I urge you to move forward with action. Everyone you love was once a child too. |
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September 2020
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